Mariners Bats Don’t Show Up For Work This Weekend, Get Fired

by Seth Kolloen on May 3, 2010

Printer would be safe if those were Mariner hitters

Don’t know if the Mariners hitters all watched Office Space on their Thursday off-day or what, but they certainly pulled a Peter Gibbons over the weekend.

The M’s offense didn’t show up for their three-game weekend series against Texas, managing just four runs and two extra base hits in three games. (For contrast, the Phillies scored nine runs in a single inning yesterday. Off of Johan Santana. Raul we miss u!)

Turns out weekend work isn’t optional, and two Mariners are off the payroll because of it. Eric Brynes, the 10-year veteran, got laid off, and youngster Matt Tuiasosopo has been reassigned to sub-basement C (that is, the Tacoma Rainiers).

The two players who’ll replace them, Ryan Langerhans and Josh Wilson, are poor hitters; but their presence gives the Mariners a more flexible bench and will allow Don Wakamatsu to pinch-hit more often.

The M’s other underperforming players–Milton Bradley, Chone Figgins, Ken Griffey Jr., and Jose Lopez–aren’t going anywhere. The Mariners don’t have anyone better to replace them. So either those players will start hitting closer to their career averages, or the Mariners will have a lot more weekends like this one. In which case I’ll probably want to be out fishing or watching kung fu movies, too.

Filed under Sports
  • A. Campbell

    It’s more accurate to say it was 4 runs in 3 and a half games- 32 innings. Has there been a poorer stretch on offense in M’s history?

  • bilco

    So, I’m sitting in Safeco yesterday, playing coach, trying to figure what I’d do. Brynes sux – so glad to see him gone – so let’s bring in a PH. Who do we have? Sweeney and Griffey on the bench. Two DHs that can’t reliably play the field. When you’ve already got a different body DHing, you’re screwed.

    A Bloomquist or a Maclemore type player is desperately needed.

  • Michael van Baker

    *I* was sitting in Safeco yesterday, bilco! If only we’d checked in via FourSquare or the other thing.

  • bilco

    ha!

    Well, MvB, to my mind that’s one the sweetest parts of baseball – usually you end up running into someone you know. Sorry we didn’t cross paths, perhaps I’ll see you at the World Series.