If We’re Choosing Debuts, I’ll Take “A Christmas Story” and New York Can Have “Spider-Man”

Ed: 5th Avenue Theatre has requested that we clearly mention that Seth is talking about a preview performance, and that seems like a good idea, because Seth thought he was buying tickets to the real show. It’s an easy mistake to make. 5th Ave’s publicity says the show runs from Nov. 26-Dec. 30. If you look at the schedule page, there’s nothing distinguishing preview dates from the official run. Nothing on the ticket order page does. The show officially opens on Dec. 9, though after 15 minutes of clicking through the 15th Ave’s site, I can’t find any notice of this. 

Photo: 5th Avenue’s “A Christmas Story: The Musical!”

Addressing a packed house Sunday night at the 5th Avenue Theatre, the theater’s Executive Director David Armstrong shared a vision of Christmas future. “I’m hopeful that someday you’ll look back and say ‘I was at the creation of that holiday musical tradition, A Christmas Story.’”

I was dubious. But after seeing the show [Ed: As mentioned, a preview performance--it's not officially open yet, and what Seth saw has already changed a little], I think Armstrong’s foresight may be 20/20. A Christmas Story: The Musical! is well-paced (far better-paced than its screen daddy), consistently funny, occasionally adorable, surprisingly smart for a musical that has a mostly pre-pubescent cast, and features a hilarious comedic performance by Broadway vet John Bolton.

Back East, on Broadway, another well-known story is getting a musical adaptation. Spider-Man is a $65 million (and counting) production directed by Julie Taymor and with music by Bono and The Edge. Here’s what Bono has to say about the show’s theme. “We’re wrestling with the same stuff as Rilke, Blake, ‘Wings of Desire,’ Roy Lichtenstein, the Ramones—the cost of feeling feelings.”

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(If anyone has a hint of a clue what Bono is talking about, please drop a note in the comments. Sounds to me like a line the smarmy faux-poet dude in your freshman dorm would use.)

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The same night my lovely companion and I were enjoying A Christmas Story, preview audiences for Spider-Man endured a three-and-a-half hour clusterfart of a preview. Stage wires were dropping on them, pieces of the set were missing. The show’s star got stuck over them at the end of the first act, “as three stagehands leaped up and down futilely trying to grab onto one of his feet to haul him back to earth,” according to The New York Post.

Photo: 5th Avenue’s “A Christmas Story: The Musical!”

A Christmas Story, the movie, steadily rose from a 1983 holiday also-ran (The New York Times haughtily dismissed it as an “Indiana Tale”) to national entertainment tradition. A Christmas Story, the musical, starts out small once again, debuting in Seattle, not Broadway–but dreaming big.

Presumably you know the story? God knows Ted Turner’s been force-feeding it to us for long enough. A boy, Ralphie, wants a toy rifle. His dad, known only as “The Old Man,” wants, well, anything, and he settles for a tacky lamp.

Ah, that lamp. Part of the suspense of these movie-to-musical adaptations is how they’ll treat your favorite scenes. My companion was keen to see whether the supremely non-PC moment where the Chinese waiter sings “Deck the Halls” (“Fa, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra.”) would be kept in the show.

For me, it’s all about the leg lamp. My prediction was that a giant version would descend from the rafters. That’s not what happened. What does is much better.

John Bolton, who plays The Old Man as a sort-of whacked out Willy Loman, celebrates the leg in the best comedic moment on stage at the 5th Avenue in at least two years, the full cast song and dance number “A Major Award.” Just fun stuff.

The staging and costumes are the second-best thing after Bolton. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, so I’m not going to explain further. You trust me, right?

The kids in the cast do a fine job, including Olympia sixth-grader Clarke Hallum as Ralphie. Seattle theater veterans Anne Allgood (Mother) and Frank Corrado (Narrator Jean Shepherd) round out the starring roles. Neither are given a whole heck of a lot to do, but both elicit laughs when given the opportunity. Allgood is, unfortunately, saddled with one of the duller songs in the production, “What a Mother Does.”

As we left the theater, we saw people buying their own leg lamps to take home. May they shine on, and may this new musical do the same.

A Christmas Story: The Musical! is in previews through December 8, then officially opens and runs through December 30 at The 5th Avenue Theater. Pick your seats through the 5th Avenue’s awesome seat selector here!