Guest contribute John Hieger joins us to wax eloquent about the Mariners, as they set a franchise-worst record of 15 losses in a row.
David Letterman uses an old joke every May about knowing it’s spring in New York because the Mets are already eliminated from playoff contention. For Seattle Mariners fans it’s closer to the solstice, lucky us. If you get three months of competitive baseball or sunny weather here you’ve had a great summer–elsewhere expectations for both are doubled, but we aren’t elsewhere.
Most seasons, games cease to carry meaning past the halfway point: 24 of the M’s 35 seasons have ended with losing records. The box office stays open and the team keeps suiting up like high-priced Confederate battlefield actors slowly marching towards futility in yet another lost campaign laden with the same predestined letdown of previous summers.
The only fan “value” summer ball here offers is developing young talent–which sucks when you’re paying the same price as games that should matter–worthless moral victories like Ichiro stats, and seeing which player gets demoralized fastest. People who enjoy bullying visibly beleaguered third baseman Chone Figgins can continue getting their bitter rocks off but at some point harassing a depressed millionaire gets old.
The parole board of fandom sees the M’s as repeat offenders and I don’t think I want to know somebody who would literally define themselves as a non-bandwagon Mariners fan at this point. The “true believer” M’s fan is mentally akin to somebody who watches Old Yeller every day and still expects the dog to make it. How many tears is enough?
In almost every other scenario I deplore bandwagon fans, but when a person stays in an abusive relationship, society tells us it’s sad. When a fan stays in an emotionally consuming, expensive relationship only to be let down year-in-and-year-out, we say they are loyal. If there’s such a thing as battered fan syndrome the patsy in right field with the “In Z We Trust” banner has it in spades.
No reasonable person can spend three-plus hours a night five times a week for the next several months watching the Mariners slowly die when they could apply the same amount of time to earning an MBA or mastering Cantonese.
Sounders fans say they wouldn’t pay to watch Sigi Schmid field benchwarmers against premier league competition again, why would anyone pay to see the M’s in person this year, when once again the season was lost at the halfway point? If the answer is anything other than being an involved parent you have too much time and money.
Nostalgia marketing gimmicks got old after the Griffey Reunion Tour. Bobbleheads are just plastic Chinese crap, they aren’t victory trophies. I knew when the GM signed his stunt double Jack Cust to fix our power gap this off-season that management had already quit, but like a seasoned tease the M’s reeled me in as they do every year for a brief spring fling before predictably breaking my heart with their annual bedwetting.
I can think of few prospects more depressing than having to live with something three months after it dies, which is what a full season of M’s dedication requires. The garbage doesn’t smell any better if you wait to take it out, so put the Root Sports broadcasts on the curb where it belongs.
