Top Chef Proves That Bigger in Texas Isn’t Always Better on the TV

Texas is having a blistering moment in the sun. Rick Perry’s standup act at last night’s Republican debate was so deliciously terrible that he’s coming for home for sure, for good.

But Texas is also home to two sucky episodes of the new season of Top Chef, which solely consisted of whittling the original thirty cheftestants down to the “final” sixteen, aka a regular season of Top Chef. And as of last night, all four of the Seattle chefs–Coterie Room’s Nina Vincente, Tavolata’s Simon Pantet, Sutra’s Colin Patterson, and Ashley Villaluz–are now all off the show, defeated by a sous vide machine, sideburns, veganism, and oxtail, respectively.

Blame the producers for not taking care of this monotony off-camera. It is not interesting to watch a bunch of dishes cooked and judged one right after the other. I needs my stories! The first two episodes aren’t worth your time to watch, nor mine to thoroughly blog. If you really require substantive recaps of those episodes, head to Videogum for trenchant Top Chef analysis. The now-Seattleless ninth season of Top Chef continues on Bravo next Wednesday night. Let’s mess with Texas.