David Swidler

When you are a former performer, the last thing you want when you show up at your desk job is to be confronted with questions about why you didn't achieve your dream. Well, I guess the last thing would be an angry dog, but the dream thing is up there.

 

The other day when I first checked my email at work, one of my oldest friends asked me why Joel McHale is the biggest thing in the world and I’m not.

 

McHale started appearing on Almost Live while I was in high school. I would later get to contribute jokes and even appear on John Keister’s KIRO show. McHale left Seattle after Almost Live seeking fame and fortune down in Hollywood. I helped form the local comedy group The Habit [one person way in the back of the room claps], and after a few years decided to move to Los Angeles.

 

Last weekend McHale's new sitcom premiered hours before his movie with Matt Damon opened nationwide. Meanwhile I spent the weekend suffering a major case of the shakes while delivering a mediocre wedding toast.

 

I’m lucky enough to have plenty of time to ponder how it got to this point, and I have come up with three theories.  There is that talent issue. After seeing McHale on E!’s The Soup, it’s clear that he has more comedy in his handshake than I do in my body. He also got an MFA in drama from the UDub, while I taught myself how to play a vending machine.  Maybe it’s the hard work. When he moved to Los Angeles he got an agent, worked his ass off, landed commercials, and then roles on TV. My L.A. work ethic hit a speed bump right after the cable installer left my apartment.

 

Then there is my favorite theory, dumb luck. In my mind the only reason McHale is a star and I’m not is because the whole world is against me. Besides, The Informant is a just a rip-off of the last movie you saw and hated, and Community is dumb, and if you like it you’re dumb. Now if you'll excuse me, this toner cartridge won't replace itself.