Fantasy Weekend for the Seattle Sports Fan, November 13-15, 2009

Someday, you will do it. You won't have a co-worker's birthday party, a seasonal gutter cleaning, or brunch with an ex. Someday, you will watch sports all weekend. If, perchance, this is the weekend, here's how it should go:

FRIDAY
5 p.m.: Leave work, drive towards Hec Ed for the Athletes in Action Classic. Stop at Bartells and buy some socks on the way.

Melvin Jones

5:30-6:30 p.m.: Watch the second half of Belmont/Portland St. Cheer on PSU's Melvin Jones, a Chief Sealth grad who got his life on track after a rough start to high school.

6:30 p.m.: Dinner at Hec Ed. Recommended--Porters Place BBQ. Not recommended--Everything else.

7-9 p.m.: Watch the Huskies avoid a letdown like in last year's opening-game loss to Portland, and lay an ass-whooping on outmanned Wright St. The Raiders may stay in this game early if their shooters are hot, but UW's depth will mean WSU will be run ragged by the second half.

9-10 p.m.: Sit in the traffic lineup to get out of the Hec Ed parking lot. While you're at it, check ESPN 710 to see how Seattle U did in their opening game, at Oklahoma State. 

10 p.m.: Drive home--you've got a big day tomorrow!

SATURDAY
7:30 a.m.: Drag yourself out of bed and drive to the George and Dragon for World Cup Qualifying soccer.

8 a.m.: Russia v. Slovenia begins. Here's the deal--eight European countries are getting their last shot at qualifying for the 2010 World Cup. They are paired into four groups of two, each pair plays a home-and-home with the winner going through to the Cup.

9 a.m.: England v. Brazil begins. This is just a friendly, with no World Cup qualifying implications, but c'mon. It's England/Brazil!

10 a.m.: Greece v. Ukraine! Ouzo v. Vodka! Who wins? Everyone!

Noon: Ireland v. France. Even more testy after an Irish diplomat gravely insulted French PM Sarkosky this week.

2 p.m.: Drive to The Dutchess and catch the second half of the Washington/Oregon St. football game. Will the Beavers knock Jake Locker senseless again?

2:30-3:30 p.m.: Probably some sort of silly play by the Husky special teams that costs us the game late, ending slight hopes of a Husky bowl appearance.

3:30-4:00 p.m.: Enjoy a chicken sandwich so you don't have to consume any Hec Ed food.

4 p.m.: Walk down to Hec Ed. Yeah, it's a trek, but do you really want to sit in that post-game parking lot traffic again? Not worth it. Plus, those fries you just ate have a ton of calories.

4:30-6:30 p.m.: Wright St. vs. Portland St. This will probably be the most competitive of the six games to be played this weekend.

6:30-7 p.m.: Check Facebook on your phone. Note how many "status updates" are actually just people whining about pointless shit.

7-9 p.m.: UW vs. Belmont, which I'm hoping will be very entertaining. Both the Huskies and Belmont were among the 50 fastest-tempo teams in the NCAA last year. If Belmont plays their style instead of trying to slow the game down, the Dawgs could hit 100.

9-9:30 p.m.: Healthful walk back up to The Dutchess.

9:30-Midnight: Buy repeated rounds for everyone at the bar (or just me).

SUNDAY
10 a.m.-1 p.m.: We've been running around a bunch, so let's just take it easy with 12 hours of NFL football on the couch, shall we? First up--Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh on CBS. Both teams are 6-2, tied for first in the AFC North.

1 - 4:30 p.m.: Seahawks @ Arizona on FOX. Okay, this is really a must-win game, this time. Once again, your announcers are Dick Stockton and Charles Davis...honestly, I'd rather have the Navajo-language feed Raiders fans get.

4:30-5:20 p.m.: Are you in any sort of relationship? This might be the time to call that person.

5:20-9 p.m.: Terrific Sunday Night Football matchup -- Patriots vs. Colts. Brady vs. Manning. Belichick vs. ... well, Manning.

9-Midnight: You are awesome. Have a private dance party!