Metro League Tuesday: Steve Ballmer Inadvertently Spits on Me

The stars were out for Metro League Tuesday

Before we get to the whys and wherefores of how the spittle of the 14th-richest man in America ended up on my right hand, let me make one thing clear. Underemployed though I am, I did not attend Tuesday's Lakeside/Rainier Beach game with the intention of sitting next to, and eventually shaking hands with, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

First of all, I did not even know Ballmer would be at the game. Only when I had found my seat and noticed a "Sam Ballmer" on the Lakeside roster did I suspect any impending Ballmerness. Furthermore, I did not sit next to Ballmer. He happened to sit next to me. And, to finally get to the expectoration you were expecting: If you sit next to Steve Ballmer at a Lakeside basketball, you are going to get a little wet. And possibly go a little deaf. The man is not shy with the yelling.

I'm okay with that, because Ballmer is the best kind of parent rooter: He encouraged Lakeside's overmatched players from tip to buzzer, all the way through a 47-point loss. He laid off the referees. And he even cheered the (very many) exciting plays by Rainier Beach.

His high-energy rooting style--at times, his non-stop nervous rocking shook the bleacher bench we were sharing--made me wish heartily that he'd managed to purchase the Sonics. A courtside Ballmer would make notoriously excitable Dallas owner Mark Cuban look phlegmatic.

So, yeah, a few minutes into the game, something moves Ballmer to shout "Boom" (his favorite exclamation), and I suddenly feel a drop of wetness on my hand. Oh. That's Ballmer spit. At halftime, I'd see a Microsoft employee friend of mine who'd come to his first Metro League Tuesday.

"I'm sitting next to your boss," I said.

"I saw that," he exclaimed.

"He spit on my hand!"

"You'd better not wash it."

And I never will. NEVER! I am buying protective gloves tomorrow. AND NO MOM I AM NOT COMING OUT OF MY ROOM!

One Ballmer moment before we move on to the other famous people who were at the game. Ballmer's son Sam had the best Lakeside play of the night. Receiving the ball on the right wing, young Ballmer created space with his off-hand, stepped back and swished a 12-foot jumper. Papa rose as the shot was in the air, and unleashed a thunderous "Boom!" as the ball slid through the net. It was cute--and lest you think I'm being overly sentimental, I said as much to my ex-girlfriend, who was sitting on the other side of me, and she nodded vigorously in agreement.

Also at the game: University of Washington basketball head coach Lorenzo Romar, taking up his preferred spot behind the baseline. Ballmer and Romar had a long talk at halftime. Meanwhile, chatting next to them were Seattle city councilmember Bruce Harrell, whose son is a backup guard for Lakeside, and Husky hoops legend and former NBAer Eldridge Recasner. It was a veritable who's who of Seattle!

Now, 507 words later, let's get to the putative reason for this post, the basketball game! The Seattle cognoscenti and I saw a hell of a show from Rainier Beach, and a  gritty performance by Lakeside.

Beach, in case you don't know, is one of the top basketball programs in the state. Three former Vikings play on NBA teams. With a plethora of skilled, athletic, hard-nosed players, Beach's second unit could probably compete for a Metro League hoops title. Lakeside, on the other hand, has a really good lacrosse team.

My ex's little brother, a Lakeside senior (and member of said lacrosse team) was not so blinded by school pride that he thought the Lions could beat, or even stay close with, Rainier Beach.

"I'll be happy if we give up less than five dunks," he said just after tip off.

Sadly, he did not get his wish, as Beach sent home seven dunks. The best, and probably the most thrilling dunk I'll see this year, came from 5'9" Beach guard Robert Harris. Harris got the ball in the open floor just before half, drove unimpeded to the basket, rose ludicrously high ("THROW IT HOME," yelled Ballmer) and packed an amazing dunk that had everyone in the seven-row Lakeside stands shouting in amazement.

Also near halftime, I got to shake Ballmer's hand. My ex's little brother, who plays lacrosse with Sam Ballmer, introduced me. Not having brought a resume, I confined my remarks to "Hi." (ZOMG I JUST TOUCHED A BILLIONAIRE! Sorry, I'll calm down now.)

This made me think about the social and professional advantages of going to a school like Lakeside. I have two good friends who went there. One is the daughter of a newspaper columnist, the other is the son of a federal judge.

I went to Garfield. My best high school friends: The son of an ESL teacher and the son of a health inspector. Not so great with the job connections.

On the other hand, I got to see my school win a state boys basketball championship. Unlikely that any Lakeside student will ever be able to say that.

Not through a lack of effort by their players, though. With Ballmer shouting encouragement, the Lions played hard in a hopeless mission. They stuck to the game plan of first-year coach Tavio Hobson (who is "pretty hot," according to my ex), eschewing any attempts at transition buckets against the lighting-quick Vikings. Lakeside didn't shoot particularly well, as they often rushed their shots. Not that you can blame them; Beach's players are so fast to the basketball that you have to speed up just to get your shot off. If Lakeside could improve on anything, it would be making the extra pass and cutting harder off of screens. But you can say that about most college teams. They played tough. I was impressed.

Beach, for their part, played controlled, stifling defense all game. They jumped on Lakeside early, getting two first quarter three-pointers for D1-bound wing Lonnie Pearson, but made their biggest runs after Lakeside's starting guards had tired from Beach's full court pressure and had to rest. Lakeside's back up guards couldn't handle Beach's pressure, and the Vikings scored easy basket after easy basket off of Lions turnovers.

The final score: Rainier Beach 77, Lakeside 30. Next Metro League Tuesday is 12/15, where whoever I can cajole into joining me will be watching Garfield play at Ballard.

Not that I should have to cajole. High school basketball, friends, is the best entertainment value in the city. $6! And it has the power to change minds. As the game approached, I got this text from my ex: "Don't be late. I don't want to be stuck at this thing alone."

But her tune had changed after the game. Came this text: "That was super fun! Thanks!"