The World Cup in My Tummy: Asia and Eastern Europe

David Swidler is eating, drinking, and cooking his way through all 32 World Cup countries, much like he does at his site cookingvssports.com.

Last night as I watched the Opposite Day sun sink low in the Eastern sky, I reflected on the East's performance in the World Cup. For the Far East there was great success, with Japan and South Korea both advancing to the knockout stage, while the Eastern Europeans--Serbia, Slovakia, and Slovenia--came oh-so-close.

Planet Earth used to have two distinct soccer regions: Europe and South America. However, just as once fast food was only available in America, globalization has spread soccer to all corners of the globe. Japan and South Korea started put themselves on the world stage in 2002, and were back this time around. In honor of this, I made Korean BBQ beef, or bulgogi (much less ambitious then the Korean dinner I made in the spring).

I took some thinly sliced beef, marinated it in Korean BBQ sauce--which may not have been a real thing until some entrepreneur slapped that name on bottles--overnight, then cooked it in a pan at the highest temperature possible, to try and simulate the cooking surfaces used in South Korea.

The sticky, sweet, and salty beef was washed down with sake imported from Japan. Now, because fish are the only other animals on the planet that can feel pain, I don't eat seafood. However, for some reason the sake tasted like what I feel seafood would taste like.

The North Korean meal was by far the most interested and rewarding.  I started by [600 WORDS REDACTED BY U.S. GOVERNMENT] Next time, I think we can all agree, not so much paprika.

We all used to mock Eastern Europe, but now that we have our own socialist dictator in power, the joke's on us. In 1945 Romania raised stamp prices two cents, and look what happened! By now you've all seen those videos of people celebrating Landon Donovan's late goal against Algeria. However, if he hadn't scored, then it would have been Slovenia advancing out of group. Here is a video of their fans reacting to Landycake's goal.

Don't feel too bad for them--they live here. It looks like a Mediterranean paradise. They get up, hike in the mountains, then swim in the sea, before stuffing their faces with dolma. Of course, this assessment is based on one internet photo.

One of my favorite things overheard during the tournament was "Wow, Serbia is really playing rough." You don't say. The Serbian national dish is Pljeskavica, which is hamburger mixed with onions. I had beef/lamb meatballs with onions and a touch of mint.

Finally, Slovakia. What I always appreciated about them (and their former Siamese twin, the Czech Republic) was that when they split, they also cut the former name, Czechoslovakia, right in half, and were able to walk away and just live their lives. Just like the mom and dad in the The Parent Trap did with those twins.  Their national dish is called Bryndzové halušky and calls for potato dumplings, sheep cheese, and bacon. I had the dumplings and bacon, as sadly Wooly wasn’t lactating.

On that note, it's time to head back West. Come on Wooly, y'ah!