Figgins' Fail Fraks King Felix

Submitted to FailBlog

Chone Figgins seems intent on making Mariner fans hate him. First there was the little matter of batting .211 during the team's disastrous first 50 games. Then there was his dugout tantrum, which contributed to Don Wakamatsu's firing. Now he's started off the week by committing a disastrous error Sunday, and going 0-6 in an 11-inning loss Monday.

Setting Sunday's scene: King Felix Hernandez was pitching another magnificent game. He hadn't allowed a runner past second base. He'd recorded two quick outs in the seventh inning. Then, Indians third baseman Luis Valbuena hit first-pitch fastball on the ground, right at Figgins. The ball bounded right into Figgins' mitt, and then, somehow, bounced away.

Instead of going into the dugout with the game still all zeroes, having thrown just 89 pitches, Hernandez now had to get another seventh-inning out. He couldn't. The next five Indians hitters reached, concluded by a Travis Hafner grand slam. Though Hernandez' ERA won't suffer--all the runs were unearned--he will absorb his tenth loss of the season. Double-digit losses! For one of the best pitchers in baseball!

The King looked more than a little pissed after Figgins' error and the resulting Tribe runs parade, shouting angrily from the mound. After the game, Hernandez was "visibly peeved," according to the Seattle Times' Geoff Baker, and was heard "rattling off a series of words in Spanish" to teammates. But, publicly, he said nothing.

Figgins contributed further magic on Monday, flubbing two ground balls (neither was recorded as an error; both could've been) and going hitless in six at bats, including striking out swinging with the bases loaded in the sixth.

Trading Figgins now is the M's best move, according to the logic and facts corralled by U.S.S. Mariner. It is also the best move to eliminated the possibility of certain Mariner season ticket holders charging Figgins from my first-base seats in a fit of insane rage. Ha! I mean from "their" first-base seats.