Recent Stories with tag christmas

The worst Christmas/holiday gift I've ever heard of was the time a friend of mine gave his girlfriend $187 in cash with which to buy a parking pass.

"But she really needed that parking pass!" he told me later, having received remonstrations from her, her family, his own mother, and me.

Happy ending though--the couple in question is married with an adorable baby girl. The relationship survived a gift of cash (unlike Jerry and Elaine's).

I gifted my own dud last year. I bought books for my two pre-teen nieces. Books, it turned out, they had already read. In lieu of demanding an all-time reading list, I went the safe route this year and bought them gift certificates to the venerable Secret Garden Bookshop, where I bought books as a kid. (Back then, it was in Greenlake, where BluWater Bistro is now. This is just a preview of the exciting new SunBreak series, "Seth's 'Where Things Used to Be!'")

The worst gift I ever got, wasn't actually that bad, I was just a snotty kid and turned it into a big deal. My mom saved up for a trip to England, it was her first trip out of the country--I believe she was in her late 30s at the time. Anyway, she bought my sister and me gifts, and mine was a replica of a chess piece in some famous prehistoric set at the British Museum.

"Mom. A chess piece? What am I going to do with one chess piece?" God I was a brat. I still have the thing, it's actually pretty cool, and has far outlived many presents I was bowled over by at the time--like the Radio Shack remote control car I got on Xmas Day and played with maybe twice after New Year's.

Hoping none of my presents this year make anyone's all-time worst lists. We'll see...

We're in the Christmas homestretch, with New Year's on the way, which means that there's extra time to watch movies, either in the warm/suffocating bosom of your family or as far as possible in the opposite direction.

Luckily Hollywood, like a deranged mother, has given us everything we could possible want in a holiday theme, whether it's impossibly heart-warming or wonderfully black-hearted. Here are our top picks. If we've missed yours, please let us know in the comments. And keep in mind that our sponsor Scarecrow Video would be a great place to get any of the following:

Seth: The Apartment: They just don't make movies like this anymore. Billy Wilder's masterpiece about a schlubby office worker (Jack Lemmon) who meets the girl of his dreams (Shirley MacLaine) defies categorization. Where does Blockbuster put a comedy that contains a suicide attempt? Set during Christmas--if not exactly a "Christmas movie"--this is one of the best things you'll ever see, film-wise.

Tony: Gotta throw in the Strangeoid Quotient and give my nod(s) to Black Christmas, a sly and creepy 1974 chiller in which a shadowy killer picks off a group of sorority girls in their creepy old house: Margot Kidder makes a great nasty Queen Bitch Kitty, its ending twist predates the slasher spate of the late '70s/early '80s, and it's directed by (Six Degrees alert!) Bob Clark, director of A Christmas Story. Of course my all-time favorite is Santa Claus, a 1959 Mexican flick in which Santa operates from a City in the Clouds, scores wacky dust from Merlin the Magician, and runs afoul of Satan. It's a kid's movie!

Jeremy: It's cliche, but A Christmas Story. Come on! [SPOILER!] He actually shoots his eye out!

Josh: Arnaud Desplechin's Un conte de Noël is probably not the first DVD to grab for heartwarming times around the family DVD player, but it's depiction of a sprawling dysfunctional French family might just make your own relatives seem reassuringly quaint in comparison. Catherine Deneuve is the caustic matriarch with a recent cancer diagnosis, Mathieu Amalric is son who was only conceived to save a dying brother, Anne Consigny is the eldest sister who banished her brother in a questionable family business-saving legal maneuver. The film would be worthwhile for the guardedly tender insults that comprise almost all of Deneuve's conversations with Amalric, but there's also another brother, a friendly neighbor, plenty of long-suppressed romantic intrigue, a teen who hallucinates wolves, and adorable kids who put on an incomprehensible play. After spending five cinematic days with this bunch, you'll feel like a part of their extended clan. Whether you want to return to them or stay at the vacation house for the rest of the holiday may vary.

Don: Die Hard. Nothing brings home the concept of holidays being about family like defending them from terrorists using your wits and a clever, profane catch phrase. Also: things blow up and America wins.

Jack: Elf. [Which not coincidentally is playing right now at Central Cinema, through December 23!] No one could have played that role like Will Ferrell. Also, Zooey Deschanel is my girlfriend. My favorite scene is the one where Miles Finch (Peter Dinklage) attacks Buddy for calling him an elf over and over again: "He's an angry elf!"

Donte: Love Actually. Hugh Grant at his stammeringly charming best, surrounded by an ensemble cast (Bill Nighy, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson, Colin Firth) portraying the many facets of love in holiday season London. "Chick flick" or no, this movie can calm anyone's inner Scrooge--the attractive cast doesn't hurt either. (Josh: For the record, there are those whose inner Scrooges are inflamed by Love Actually. Clint: Donte's right: Love Actually is wonderful.)

James: One of the funniest screwball comedies ever made ends with a Christmas miracle, which makes it as much a Christmas movie as its contemporary (and reigning Christmas movie king) It's a Wonderful Life (showing at the Grand Illusion through December 31st). What's the Miracle of Morgan's Creek? That would be telling, but small-town girl Trudy Kockenlocker needs one. Trudy winds up married to and pregnant by a soldier--possibly named "Ratzkiwatzki"--who ships out before she sobers up. Norval Jones, who's been infatuated with her for years, sacrifices every last shred of dignity to help her out, but the two of them end up buried under a madcap mudslide of bad decisions. Preston Sturges is a master of slapstick satire, and in Miracle he's working at top form (almost--The Lady Eve ain't a Christmas flick, but it's equally unmissable). George Bailey makes you weepy; the Kockenlockers clan make you weep with laughter.

Clint: Planes, Trains and Automobiles. (Thanksgiving counts, right?) Steve Martin + John Candy + R rating = Unforgettably awesome. The mismatched, accidentally-aligned duo attempts to get home for Thanksgiving and, yes, hilarity ensues. A great (refreshingly non-teen angst) movie to remember Candy ("I like me. My wife likes me.") and Hughes by. And there's Martin dropping 18 F-bombs in less than a minute. "I want a fucking car. Right. Fucking. Now." They don't make mature/silly comedies like this anymore.

RvO: The Ref is a bitter, caustic, profane and frequently hilarious holiday treat. Denis Leary is a thief on the run who kidnaps the hyper-bickering Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis and hides out in their lush suburban home on Christmas Eve. If you thought your family gatherings were dysfunctional, think again. Leary, who punches out Santa at one point, has never been better and Spacey is brilliant in a similar, but much better, role than his Oscar-winning turn in American Beauty. Or turn back the clock for Stalag 17, set in German POW camp during WWII. On Christmas Eve, officers in one of the barracks find out that they have a Nazi spy among their ranks who is tipping the guards to escape attempts. William Holden gives a brilliant performance as the cynical, hard-bitten Sgt. Sefton who is accused of being the spy. Magnificently directed by Billy Wilder, this tense, thrilling and award-winning film about deliverance at Christmas is a stunning tour-de-force.

MvB: Double feature! Scrooged with Holiday Inn. Bill Murray is an updated Scrooge, a gloriously cynical TV exec, and is joined by an outstanding cast including Bobcat Goldthwait, Carol Kane, Robert Mitchum, and Jamie Farr. He's so bitterly funny, you're sad to see Murray cheer up near the end. Holiday Inn is the ur-Christmas movie, starring Bing "White Christmas" Crosby and Fred Astaire. You should probably be wearing a sweater, vest, or sweater vest, and be sipping egg nog or a butterscotch schnapps/hot chocolate combo....

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Had enough of those treacly "Christmas in the Northwest" lyrics? Here's a change of pace.

Yep, that's a real (twisted) take on "The Twelve Days of Christmas," released exclusively to L.A. radio way back in pre-grungesploitation 1990. (And the voices are those of some of the show's actual cast. Can't mistake Kimmy Robertson's squeaky pitch.) The North Bend- and Snoqualmie-shot Twin Peaks clips are a more recent addition, but they remind us what a head-scratchingly wonderful present David Lynch gave us—courtesy of quaint, sleepy, sometimes creepy Northwest locales—all those Christmases long, long ago.

The Twin Peaks legend limps on in North Bend's Twede's Cafe, worth a visit if you're in the area during the holidays. They still offer a damn fine (well, mediocre, really) cup of coffee.

It may only be September 21st, and Seattle may be in the midst of a "late September heat wave" with temps tomorrow in the upper 80s, but it's Christmas at the Downtown Macy's as of last Thursday.

THIS I CANNOT ABIDE.