Recent Stories with tag reality tv

The tough thing about Top Chef Masters, which was also clear from early on last season, is that there's no real drama. These are established professional chefs, with their own restaurants and books and monies. They are competing for charities, and they all seem genuinely happy for whomever wins. There's just not much at stake, besides making a nice meal for Kelly Choi and the judges and looking good on the teevee. Still, occasionally there is a little bit of drama, and last week's episode featured the terrifying tray of food left behind--which they showed in the ads for this season time and time again--and a bona fide reality tv bad guy. Plus, Rover's ever-so-charming, ever-so-French Chef in the Hat Thierry Rautureau! (See his tour of the restaurant above.) With that in mind, in preparation of tonight's new episode, let's do a quick and dirty recap (that is what I said) of last week's. 

Unlike the first week's episode (in which Poppy's Jerry Traunfeld was sent to pack his knives), last week's episode featured all Top Chef Masters virgins. Along with Thierry were David Burke, Carmen Gonzalez, Monica Pope, and Marcus Samuelsson. Again, the five chefs are vying for two spots in the champions' round. Thierry's competing for local non-profit Food Lifeline, and he's French and cute from the get-go: "How much do I want to win? Who do I have to kill?" That's one upvote for you, friend.

Okay, it's time for the quickfire challenge, which is making "an extraordinary grilled cheese sandwich" for Kelly Choi in only twenty minutes. Run run run, cook cook cook. Thierry is using his secret ingredient of harissa and is making a sandwich that would make his mama proud. Monica doesn't have much formal training, which will no doubt become relevant later. David likes to break the Ten Commandments of cooking! Dangerous. Also dangerous: knives. Carmen cuts her middle finger pretty badly, but it ain't no thing--she just wraps her finger in a towel and keeps on grilled cheesin'.

And now we come to Marcus Samuelsson. Because he's got a Story: Orphaned in Ethiopia at age three, adopted and raised in Sweden, goes on to make it big cooking in New York City. Hey everybody, it's Chef Obama!...

I've been enjoying the Travel Channel's new series America's Worst Driver. Unlike other reality television competitions like Project Runway and Top Chef, they're not looking for the cream of the crop, but the worst of the worst. The premise is simple: visit eight cities around the country (previous episodes have featured San Francisco, Boston, Chicago, and Miami), test four terrible drivers from each locale (with the person who nominated them acting as navigator) on a variety of road and obstacle course challenges, and then destroy the car of the very worst driver, via monster truck or explosion or what have you. Of course, the worst driver for each episode can somewhat redeem themselves by proving themselves not to be America's Worst Driver when the cities' worst drivers all compete in the finale.

Episode 5, which aired this weekend, brought the show to Seattle, where you'd be hard-pressed to pick one worst driver, since the whole city is full of terribly inept people behind the wheel. The show's intro names Seattle as one of most congested cities in the country, and further cites its one-way streets, equally terrible pedestrians, and rain as other factors that challenge drivers. Nonetheless, we've got our four contestants in the form of Mary, nominated by her husband Brian (even though she actually lives in Olympia--SCANDAL); Stephanie C., nominated by her twin sister Vicki; Aaron, nominated by his friend Brian; and Stephanie S., nominated by her roommate Kelly. This time around, the worst driver's car will be eaten by Robosaurus, and thankfully, all of the drivers will receive a AAA driver improvement course.

The teams are sent on their first challenge, driving in Downtown Seattle. All drivers start out with 100 points, but they lose a point every time they break a traffic law or deviate from the turn-by-turn directions. (They've got a cop following them who with let them know when they've losing points via a red flashing light and buzzer in their car.) The winner of the city driving challenge wins a trip for two to Napa, and y'know, their car won't be destroyed....

While we wait for the next season of Top Chef (in Washington D.C.), Bravo is tiding us over with another season of  Top Chef Masters, in which restaurateurs of good repute go head-to-head for charity. The structure is different than plain ol' Top Chef, in which all the cheftestants are whittled down one by one over the course of the season. Sure, they still get to do the quickfire and the elimination challenges--and often these hearken back to notable challenges from Top Chef--but for the Masters, a group of chefs (four to six) compete per episode, with the winner(s) of each episode going on further in the competition.

Last year, Rick Bayless took home the big prize, so he's not back this season, but a whole bunch (six) of his previous competitors are, including Wylie Dufresne and Graham Elliot Bowles. (Check out the quick and dirty facts on the cheftestants over at Eater.) Plus, there's three Seattle chefs competing for the title of Top Chef Master: Maria Hines of Tilth, Rover's Chef in the Hat Thierry Rautureau, and Jerry Traunfeld from Poppy. The latter appeared on Wednesday's premiere of Top Chef Masters season 2, along with Ana Sortun, Jimmy Bradley, Susan Feniger, Tony Mantuano, and Govind Armstrong. Traunfeld's competing for the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, and you can check out his tour of Poppy in the video above.

Let's get ready to Quickfire! The chefs get paired up, and working on a team, especially when you've got a big reality tv personality, is never easy. They all "jump into their Lexus" (gag) and head to LA's Chinatown--but wait, they're not going to a Chinese restaurant or market!  They're going to a gas station. Top Chef TWIST! Ah yes, the Masters have to prepare a gourmet dish using items bought at a Kwik-E-Mart (à la Season 1 of Top Chef), just like how last year's Masters faced the vending machine challenge....

Why did NBC bump Sunday's USA/Canada hockey game to cable? Because showing it would've required actual sports coverage. Which is not what NBC is broadcasting in primetime this Olympics. NBC is showing reality television.

Think about it: When you watch Survivor, they don't show the entirety of, say, each immunity challenge. No, you get a bunch of interviews building up the suspense of the event, and a few cherry-picked moments from a much longer competition. You get the same menu when you watch the Olympics on NBC.

What I think of as sports coverage--showing, you know, sports--does not fit into NBC's plans. The New York Times' Richard Sandomir explains why:

A hockey game cannot be sliced easily into a series of short events, like ski or luge runs, figure skating programs or speedskating races. If the network cannot chop a sport into two-to-five-minute elements framed with a lot of ads, it is not likely to be shown from 7 p.m. to midnight.

Bravo announced the lineup of its second season of Top Chef Masters, in which well-established chefs (and some bona fide culinary superstars) go head-to-head in your basic Top Chef cooking challenges until one emerges the victor, with a big bag of money donated to the charity of his/her choice.

Three Seattle chefs made the cut.  No, Top Chef: Las Vegas contestants Robin Leventhal and Ashley Merriman will not be making an appearance, but Merriman's former mentor Maria Hines of Tilth is part of the new class.  So's Poppy's Jerry Traunfeld and Thierry Rautureau, better known as Rover's "Chef in the Hat."  He will definitely be bringing the hat, and his big French personality to the show. 

The first episode hits Bravo on Wednesday, April 7 at 11 p.m., before moving to its regular 10 p.m. timeslot. Complete list of participants (via CHS) after the jump.

Here is the complete list of participants:

Jody Adams – Rialto Restaurant, Cambridge, Mass.
Govind Armstrong – 8 oz Burger Bar, Los Angeles, Calif.
Graham Elliot Bowles – Graham Elliot Restaurant, Chicago, Ill. *
Jimmy Bradley – The Red Cat, New York, N.Y.
David Burke – David Burke Townhouse, New York, N.Y.
Wylie Dufresne – wd~50, New York, N.Y. *
Susan Feniger – Street, Los Angeles, Calif.
Debbie Gold – The American Restaurant, Kansas City, Mo.
Carmen Gonzalez – Chef Consultant, New York, N.Y.
Maria Hines – Tilth, Seattle, Wash.
Susur Lee – Madeline’s, Toronto, Canada
Ludo Lefebvre – Ludo Bites, Los Angeles, Calif. *
Tony Mantuano – Spiaggia, Chicago, Ill.
Rick Moonen – Rick Moonen's RM Seafood at Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas, Nev. *
Mark Peel – Campanile, Los Angeles, Calif. *
Monica Pope – t'afla, Houston, Texas
Thierry Rautureau – Rover's, Seattle, Wash.
Marcus Samuelsson – The Red Rooster, New York, N.Y.
Ana Sortun – Oleana, Cambridge, Mass.
Rick Tramonto – TRU, Chicago, Ill.
Jerry Traunfeld – Poppy, Seattle, Wash.
Jonathan Waxman – Barbuto, New York, N.Y. *

* — returning from season 1

What can be said about a reunion episode that takes place a week after the show ends?  Top Chef, how can I miss you if you won't go away?  Roll the blooper reel:

So, a week in TV time after the Vegas season ended (months and months in real time), Brother Michael is still the Top Chef, even though two-thirds of the respondents to the text poll that ran during last night's reunion episode thought that Brother Bryan should have won.  No worries, the Brothers' Mother was on again last night, and Mama Voltaggio gave Bryan a restored '79 Corvette as his consolation prize.  THANKS, MOM!

Speaking of mothers, Eli still lives with his and doesn't think that's a big deal.  You go, Bacon Shirt. Douchebag Mike found some Guidette willing to be his wife. Meanwhile, Ashley gracefully defended her stance on gay rights, saying that showgirls should be allowed to get married. Then they showed a montage of Robin talking to herself in the kitchen, which everyone else thought was sooooooooooo annoying.  Get off your high horse, other cheftestants, I talk to myself all the goddamn time....

What a long, hard season it has been. That is what she said. As it is the final episode of this season of Top Chef, the final three cheftestants--comprised of a bearded Christmas special and the Wonder Twins--are in Napa.

Kevin is feeling good, but the Brothers Voltaggio are both talented cooks. Who will win? Michael points out that Bryan never won a quickfire. Ha ha, you never won a quickfire! Bryan wants to see which of the brothers is really the best chef. For once and for all.

Tom and Padma are just hanging out at a vineyard. They let the chefs know their final challenge is a three-course meal. The first course will be made with all identical ingredients, to measure their creativity, the second course is chef's choice (any ingredients from the kitchen), and the third course must be a dessert. Oh no. That never goes well. Never forget Stefan. They'll be cooking at Cyrus, a two-star Michelin restaurant. Of course they will be serving lots of big-time guests. This meal could make or break their careers!

Helper bees, in the form of all the previous, now-kicked off contestants, show up.  But the chefs don't get to pick whomever they want to assist them. Nope, they have to draw knives for the final time. Beardo Kevin ends up with Preeti and Ash. That's no good. Brother Bryan picks Jennifer and Ashley. That is the best team. Brother Michael picks Jesse and--no Douchebag Mike, no Douchebag Mike, no whammies stop--Eli. Kevin hates his stupid team....

So here we are.  Tonight's the finale of this season of Top Chef.  But first we have to get through the pre-finale that was last week's episode.  Let's go on this journey together, shall we?  (Check out the video recap above for a summary of the latter half of the season in four minutes.) 

The chefs are in the Napa Valley for the finals instead of Vegas.  So I guess that means no more over-the-top Vegas-themed challenges, like a quickfire dish made only of pork belly, saffron, and a roulette wheel.  Now they can all be wine challenges.  As in: Cook this wine!

The finalists show up in Napa one by one.  Jennifer is cooking for her mom.  Brother Michael is still cocky as ever.  Beardo Kevin looks the same, only more beardly.  Brother Bryan has a huge-ass umbrella.  They are waiting for a train, and when it shows up, preggers Padma disembarks.  Oh noes!  The quickfire is cooking on the train!  And as predicted, they have to create a dish with Napa's signature crop: the grape.  The winner of the quickfire gets a Prius.  YAY. 

So they are cooking on the train.  Cooking cooking cooking.  Which grapes should they pick?  There are so many grapes to choose from.  And cooking on a train ain't easy, especially since Beardo Kevin has the motion sickness.  Brother Michael grabs the small, isolated prep area at the the back of the train, which makes Brother Bryan mad.  Can you feel the BROTHER TENSION building?

I'm not sure if a pregnant lady should be eating all this stuff:  Kevin made a dessert, a mousse with honey and cheese, grapes and olive oil.  Michael has a grape leaf stuffed with couscous with a wine and balsamic-glazed grape and scallop.  Bryan has hen with bacon and brussel sprouts and conchord grapes.  Jennifer has sauteed chicken livers with steamed clams, cabernet grapes, and mushrooms.  Brother Michael wins for using grape leaves, grapes, wine, and grape vines.  Proving the old adage correct:  He who uses the most grapes gets a new Prius....

Here we are, the final challenge for our five cheftestants in Vegas before the big Napa final two episodes. I think. They can't stretch this out to more than two episodes, can they? 

Brother Bryan needs to win this money. His phone might get shut off, y'all. Kevin is wearing a rosary? Maybe that's why he's been killing it all season, and is definitely going to win the whole shebang. Eli doesn't want to lose Top Chef like his mentor Richard Blais. (A moment of silence to pour one out for the Blaisinator.) He wants to win Top Chef so they they both can win, and to demonstrate this he quotes from The Princess Bride. Um, Eli, your motivation for winning should be getting out of your mother's basement. You are a grown-ass man! Jennifer needs to prove she's not a basket case and can cook better than the shitshow she's been putting on plates the second half of this season.

The chefs head to the kitchen and James Beard winner Gavin Kaysen is there with Padma, who for once this season isn't wearing a romper. Kaysen previously took part in the Bocuse D'Or, which is like the Olympics of cooking, with chefs representing countries all over the world competing via French cuisine. So the quickfire challenge is each chef's version of a crazy meat stuffed with meat stuffed with meat abomination that took Kaysen months to figure out how to make well. Since it's a quickfire challenge, they have no such time to carefully consider their protein choices. Are you ready for some garbage food?

Apparently, the official name of such a dish is a ballotine, which is a nice way of saying "meatstravangza." Jennifer starts out thinking about making a turducken, but ends up with calamari, scallops, and salmon. I would like that; it's called a sushi roll. Brother Bryan's making a sausage-lamb thing. Brother Michael's still being cocky and is making a terrine that is bacon in turkey in chicken. Beardo Kevin thinks the Brothers are reaching too high in such a short period of time. So he's preparing a cornmeal-fried catfish fillet with scallops and shrimp. Eli is making a bacon-crusted scotched egg. Kevin thinks he and Eli are somehow making a statement by making "homestyle food" on Top Chef, because they believe in the food they grew up eating. Relax, Beardo, it's just food.

Anyways, Gavin thinks Kevin's catfish is too dry, and Michael's terrine isn't really a ballotine. He likes Bryan's and Eli's and Jennifer's dishes. Jennifer wins. Yay, she's not crazy anymore! Now, for the elimination challenge: the chefs will participate in Top Chef's version of the Bocuse D'Or. Woof. They need to make a presentation platter, which consists of one protein and two garnishes. And this ain't no simple garnish: the vegetables need to be intricate and demonstrate great technique and method, and perhaps also cure cancer. As an example, Gavin describes a zucchini that is weaved into a basket, which then contains more food. Because who doesn't want to eat food out of a basket and then eat the basket itself? Probably the poors. The chefs have the choice between lamb and salmon as a protein, and they will be able to put their dish on the special Bocuse D'Or mirrored platter to present their food before they plate in front of the judges. Oh yes, shit just got real. ...

When last we saw the chefs in Vegas--as last week, Bravo tried to stretch out this boring season as much as possible by throwing in a random Top Chef reunion trainwreck dinner special--Douchebag Mike was being told to pack his Ed Hardy knives. So now here we are with only six chefs remaining. The episode kicks off with a quickfire at the Venetian. That's a different kitchen! The phone rings and it is Padma calling from bed. Room service breakfast in bed challenge, bitches, with Nigella Lawson to boot.

Because of the size of the kitchen, the chefs have to stagger their cooking in pairs. Robin and Bacon Shirt are first. Eli's making a beef reuben with a fried egg and thousand island hollandaise. Breakfast much? Robin is rushing and almost doesn't get her food on the plate. But she's the first to serve the robe-clad judges, and she's got a goat cheese blintz with carmelized pineapple and blueberries. Next up are Michael and Kevin, and the kitchen is messy. Brother Michael cleans, and Beardo Kevin makes steak and eggs. Michael ends up with a Cuban-inspired breakfast with eggs, rice, and banana. Now Jennifer and Bryan are cooking. Jen's making cream chipped beef on toast, while Bryan has a soft-boiled egg with vanilla fondue, crab, asparagus, and corn polenta. As Tim Gunn would say, "That's a whole lotta look." Nigella doesn't like the vanilla. Bottom two are Bryan and Robin, and top two are Kevin and Eli. The winner is Eli. Old Bacon Shirt gets his second quickfire win. I am sooooo hungry for breakfast right now....

It's the week after Logan was kicked off, and Irina wakes up on the bitchy side of the bitch bed. She accused Althea of copying her ON THE RUNWAY (in the same episode that Althea was talking shit and claiming that Logan stole her zipper collar, but that's whatevs). Meanwhile, sans Logan, Christopher is the last boy standing. Everybody's excited that Bryant Park is so close.

They go the Getty Center, the "heart of Los Angeles culture." They actually made Tim Gunn say that, and then he had to give a little spiel about how great the move to L.A. was--as if this hasn't been the boringest year of Runway ever. Don't make Tim Gunn lie like that! And definitely don't make him introduce the mayor of L.A., who is there to officially welcome Runway to town. Whaaaa? Mayor, get back to your mayoring. This week's challenge is to be inspired by the Getty Center to make some clothes. The models are also there to be muses. YAWN.

They tour the museum, then sketch, then go to Mood. They all get inspired by different things. Althea likes the architecture, Christopher likes a fountain, Irina and Gordana both like paintings, Carol Hannah likes a bed. 

Althea doesn't have any friends in the workroom. Tim Gunn comes in and tells Carol Hannah not to lose the sophistication in her bed dress. He's concerned about Irina's pelt. He tells Althea that her dress is puckered, but he thinks Gordana nailed it. Gordana's all crying about the Monet, and I get that. But pucker-dressed Althea thinks her gown is just too simple.  Irina gets rid of the fur from her outfit and just focuses on the dress.

The next day, everyone's freaking out a bit and thinking that all the other contestants' designs have flaws. Meee-owww. On the runway, the judges are Heidi, Nina, and random Cindy Crawford. Once again, Michael Kors couldn't bother to show up, so designer Cynthia Crowley was there instead....

The episode begins with Jen and the rest of the Blue Team having a sad about how Restaurant Wars turned out. Of course, local chef Robin is happy the team she was on won, and the fact that she's still around. It never bodes well when a contestant is talking about how good they're doing in a competition at the beginning of an episode, so I fully expect Robin to be kicked off by the end of tonight's show. Reality TV producers, I'm onto you.

For the quickfire challenge, they have to make a gourmet TV dinner inspired by a TV show. They draw knives, and Robin gets Sesame Street, which Robin didn't watch as a kid, so she's thinking of making something with a cookie and, like, ground beef with an egg. Douchebag Mike has never watched an episode of Seinfeld, which is hard to believe. Robin's meal turns out to be a burger with an egg on it, crispy kale, carrot salad, and an almond chocolate cookie. The bottom two are Robin and Jen, the latter of which is seriously slipping of late. Beardo Kevin wins for the umpteenth time with his meaball take on The Sopranos. And all of a sudden Top Chef is doing a line of frozen foods (by Schwann's home service)? Teacher, no!

For the elimination challenge, the contestants are taking over judge Tom Collechio's restaurant Craftsteak at the MGM Grand. Robin is nervous because she doesn't have steakhouse experience, and everyone is making their big meat plans. But as we all know from the previews, the big twist on this episode is surprise guest Natalie Portman, who is vegetarian. (She used to be vegan, right? Google backs me up on this.) So everyone's menu ideas are spoiled. Now Robin is excited because she loves cooking for vegetarians. Folks are divvying up the veggies and fighting over eggplants. It turns out that Beardo Kevin doesn't eat meat during Lent. Douchebag Mike is feeling cocky as always (his mom was vegan?), but then his leeks are undercooked.

Now it's time to feed the judges and Natalie Portman and her coterie. Robin's dish goes out first, but she runs out of time and doesn't get garbanzo beans on all of her plates. She's also making a dish she's never made before, which is generally not a good idea at this stage of the competition. It's a wild mushroom-stuffed squash blossom, with beet (not to be confused with beef) carpaccio, fresh garbanzo beans, and a chermoule sauce. It's too saucy and unbalanced seasoning-wise, but Natalie Portman seems to like it.

Brother Michael said he wanted his dish to confuse and please Natalie Portman, and with its banana polenta, it gets just that reaction. Jen's dish is more of a side dish than a main course, and her nerves are showing. Douchebag Mike's protein-free dish doesn't go over well, even though Natalie Portman likes leeks and purple is her favorite color! Brother Bryan also doesn't get a few things on his plate, but they all like making innuendos about how a garlic blossom is a like a little prick on your tongue that gets big in your mouth. And that is what Padma said. Kevin's dish is sloppy, but tastes as good as always.

Kevin, Michael, and Eli are the top three. Kevin wins yet again for his meaty mushroom and turnip meal. Yay for Lent-abiding Beardos. Brother Michael is mad, because his dish was Art and must be regarded as such. Robin, Jen, and Douchebag Mike are the bottom three. Robin talks and talks and talks and comes off as unfocused as her dish. Jen seems defeatist, and Mike is arrogant and combative with the judges. I am convinced Robin is going home, but no! It's Douchebag Mike for his leeky meal. Robin lives to cook another day.

Next week: They're cooking room service for Padma? Looks like that with Mike gone, now it's Brother Michael who's back to being mean to Robin.

I was out of the country for a couple weeks and came home to a DVR chockful of television goodness. (This is why my TiVo is my best friend.)  Over the past few days, I did a TV marathon to get all caught up for the new episodes this week. Video preview for tonight's episode of Top Chef above. Look for the Project Runway rundown tomorrow.

In the "Dinner Party" episode of Top Chef, local cheftestant Ashley Merriman went home for making undercooked spot prawns and over-salty gnocchi. She seems to have landed on her feet, considering she's moved to New York to work with Alex Guarnaschelli on his new restaurant. The dismissal kinda came as a surprise, as most folks thought that out of the two local chefs, Ashley would make it further than Robin Leventhal.

But no, Robin's hanging in there, and the past few episodes have actually been quite Robin-centric. First, Robin had to work on a team with Douchebag Mike (and lived to tell the tale). Then on the "Pigs and Pinot" episode, she had to tussle with Bacon Shirt Eli, who still lives with his parents and was mad that Robin was going to clean up after him in the kitchen when she's not his mama. Robin ended up in the the bottom three and Douchebag Mike--who earlier in the episode called her "Rotten Robin" to her face, ugh--said he hoped the judges would "make the right decision" and send "Grandma" home. But of course they didn't. IT'S CALLED DRAMATIC TENSION, DOUCHEBAG MIKE. So they kicked off Ash instead.

Then it was the episode eagerly anticipated every Top Chef season: "Restaurant Wars."

This was an extra-long episode that began with Laurine saying she's glad to be one of the last chefs standing, but little does she know that she'll be kicked off soon. Um, she should know that, right? I mean, the best chefs in the house are the Brothers, Beardo Kevin, and Jen, so unless one of the wild cards really brings it, the rest will just be kicked off one by one.

This episode marked the first-ever tag-team cooking quickfire challenge, in which each chef cooked ten minutes of a dish while the other three members of the team were blindfolded. Is this a thing? Not quite sure how a relay race is at all a measure of an individual chef's talent, since it's a collaborative effort, nor is it evidence of one's ability to work on a team, considering there's no communication about the dish between team members, and about half of each person's time is spent trying to figure out what exactly the previous team members were going for. By the time both teams are done, somehow there's a sauteed sablefish with mushrooms and radish salad over a shittake broth and a strip steak with whipped miso avocado puree and pickled vegetables. It's magic!

For the Restaurant Wars elimination challenge, they keep the same teams, so Robin is on the Red Team with the Brothers and her best friend Bacon Shirt. Thankfully, the producers don't make them create a restaurant from scratch, as on past seasons, but allow each team to take over a floor in a Mandalay Bay restaurant. So no one has to work on decor, but the team is still split into front of house and service, though the team members working front of house are still responsible for the design and execution of one dish. All meals are to feature sustainable seafood. The Blue Team decides to take the $10K from their quickfire challenge and let it ride (because Vegas), so if they win, they each get $10K.

The Brothers are sniping at each other when they're designing the menu, which isn't a good sign. As soon as they get in the kitchen, Michael starts bossing around everyone and even snaps at his brother and calls him a dick.  Now it's time for the restaurants to open, so Eli (kinda) puts on a (poor-fitting) suit and Douchebag Mike dons his finest Ed Hardy tee. No, Mike doesn't even have time to put on a new Ed Hardy tee (he'll have to wear the stinky one he's already got on), because the Blue Team is running way behind!  Oh noes!

The judges go to the Red Team's restaurant first. They like Brother Michael's chicken, but they consider Eli's char to be "one-dimensional." The Red Team's kitchen is backed up too, and the Brothers are yelling at each other. Their cod is really good, but the beef is only okay and should be warmer. Michael and Robin yell at each other, because Michael starts plating Robin's dessert. Her pear pithivier goes over well (Toby calls it "easily the best thing Robin has made"), as does the chocolate ganache.

Meanwhile, at the Blue Team's restaurant, the char was under-salted and the asparagus was boring. The kitchen is still running way behind, so the judges have to wait for their food, and then Laurine doesn't even give a spiel about the dishes. Jen's trout was a disaster and the halibut and mussels consomme wasn't really a consomme. The kitchen is also having issues with the lamb, so some cuts are going out too done and some too rare. The pork belly is of course good, because everyone loves pork belly. Toby complains about no dessert, even though doing dessert has sent past chefs home (see Stefan last year).

Of course, the Red Team wins Restaurant Wars. Tom Collechio calls it the best Restaurant Wars restaurant in six seasons, and Toby says he'd give them a three-star review. Michael wins the challenge, and Brother Bryan is mad that his "bad behavior is being rewarded." Look forward to more in coming weeks of BROTHER FIGHT. Of course, with the Blue Team's loss, Laurine goes home, because it was going to happen sooner or later.

Tonight they cook for Natalie Portman because she knows food? No, because she's vegan. Get ready for a whole mess of garbage dishes.

On Wednesday's episode of Top Chef, everyone was sad that Le Petit Prince Mattin had been killed by Seattle cheftestant Robin.  Oh wait, no, Mattin was sent home by the judges and Robin wasn't.  No matter--everyone is pissed at Robin and dons little red Mattin neckerchiefs in solidarity.  NEVER FORGET. They're even more pissed when Robin ends up winning the quickfire "angel and demon" challenge, by making a salad and apple crisp that somehow represents her struggle with lymphoma.  Sure, that's a stretch, but when you've got something like a cancer card, you've got to play it, because VEGAS. (See: how Ron has been talking about escaping from Haiti for every single dish.)  Only Eli is heartless enough to complain that anyone could win a challenge by telling the judges they had cancer.  Even Douchebag Mike didn't go there.  Stay classy, Bacon Shirt.

Robin has immunity going into the elimination challenge, so the Top Chef producers drag in the reanimated corpses of Penn and Teller, who go on to do the same schtick they've been doing forever.  It is the opposite of magic.  Stay tuned for a Criss Angel Mindfreak amuse bouche challenge assuredly later this season. 

This week's elimination challenge involves deconstructing classic dishes.  Local contestant Ashley Merriman draws pot roast and gets a little nervous, because she grew up poor and didn't have any experience handling meat until college (yes, that is what she said).  Ron is excited because he draws paella (smiley face), but then doesn't know what deconstructing a dish means (frowny face).  Douchebag Mike hasn't even heard of Eggs Florentine, which is completely ridiculous.  He has probably only ordered it under the name "Eds Hardytine." 

The top four are Ashley, Brother Michael, Jen, and Beardo Kevin, all of whom have been amongst the best chefs all season.  Beardo Kevin wins it with his take on a chicken mole.  The bottom three are Ash, Laurine, and Ron, all of whom are going home sooner or later.  But this week, Ron is the one who's out.  He packs his knives, and the Top Chef producers promptly put him on a raft headed back to Haiti.

Last night's episode of Project Runway begins with the fact that Johnny the liar is gone, back to West Hollywood to restart his meth habit, so the competition in Ra'mon's words has "gotten more serious."  This week's challenge involves designing outfits around a movie genre theme.  The choices were action/adventure, period piece, sci-fi/fantasy, film noir, and Western.  No one wants Western, so the two contestants with last picks (Shirin and Epperson) end up with that draw.  Carol Hannah and Seattle designer Logan Neitzel both pick action/adventure.  Luckily for everyone involved (including the viewer), this is not a team challenge, which is heavy on both the drama and the bullshit. 

As they work on their projects, Tim Gunn comes in, does the quick once-over of everyone's outfit and then rains on their fashion parade by reminding the contestants that someone will be going home.  Everyone is sniping about each other's outfits and someone is stealing bobbins!  Everybody is stressed about their movie costumes!  It is crazy getting ready for the runway! Ra'mon starts having second thoughts about his lime green sci-fi catsuit and starts making a new scaley dress with only a few hours to go. 

Before the runway walk, a commercial provides the information that all the Project Runway models are going to be trying to woo Logan because he is cute and they want to get ahead.  SPOILER ALERT.  This still will not get me to watch Models of the Runway.  Nice try, Lifetime!

Back at the runway, Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are once again MIA.  Who are these yahoos on judges' panel?  It looks like Nina sent a Marie Claire intern in her place.  Logan's action/adventure outfit is a skintight badass leather toughgirl thing (see video above) and his scores make him safe right away.  Both of the Western outfits actually end up being really good.  Nicolas wins for his ridonkulous ice queen, though really Christopher's Victorian vampire was just as well thought-out and made.  Ra'mon goes home for his scaley dress, even though Eastern European Gordana is so much weaker (and boringer) as a designer.  Don't worry, I'm sure she's gone next week. But it looks like Michael Kors will be back!

Last night's episode of America's Best Dance Crew was (sniff sniff) the last for local crew Massive Monkees. They made it all the way to the final three, but last night's episode marked the end of the road for the Seattle b-boys. The challenge was the Decades of Dance, with each crew dancing to a montage of hit songs from the past fifty years. In their performance, Massive Monkees gave it their all, but apparently--even with windmills, jackhammers, and some James Brown moves---it wasn't enough. Frowny face.

On the bright side: Making the final three ain't bad at all, and the Monkees have more than proved their dance crew skills. Check out the above video for Massive Monkees' tender goodbye to their fans, and watch the ABDC live finale next Sunday if you care who is the ultimate victor this season, We are Heroes or AfroBorike. Goodnight sweet Monkees, and flight of breakdancing angels pop and lock thee to thy rest.

The other reason that I haven't felt the overwhelming need to discuss this season yet is that local designer (friend of/collaborator with Blayne Walsh, and Smith bartender) Logan Neitzel hasn't gotten much airtime.  As in all other reality shows, it's not until the contestants get...

Last night's episode of America's Best Dance Crew started off with a shocker: out of the final four teams, and for the first time this season, local crew Massive Monkees were in the bottom two!  MTV continued to promote the shit out of the Video Music Awards by having a tie-in, with each team assigned a classic VMA performance for their dance routine. We Are Heroes did Madonna's "Vogue" (classic), Afroborike did Britney's "I'm a Slave 4 U" (classic-ish), Massive Monkees were assigned N'Sync's "Tearing Up My Heart" (in no way a memorable VMA performance, but JC Chasez is one of the judges, so that explains that), while the other team in the bottom two, Rhythm City, performed Chris Brown's "Wall to Wall."  Um, NO.  That is not a classic VMA performance in any way, nor should MTV be memorialing/iconographizing a girlfriend beater/biter.  Shut it down, MTV, shut it down. 

Anyways, in their performance (starting at 1:47 in the video above), Massive Monkees gave a really witty take on the N'Sync song,...

[WARNING: Spoilers aplenty, including the above recap video.]

Last night's episode of Top Chef started out tense, with both of our local cheftestants Ashley Merriman (of Branzino) and Robin Leventhal (chef-owner of Crave) in the quickfire bottom three, along with perpetual bottom (that's what she said) Jesse.  It was a high-stakes escargot challenge--is there any other kind?--as the loser would go home right then and there, while the winner (Beardo Kevin) ended up getting to sit out of the elimination challenge and have dinner with every single French chef in the world.

Except! The bottom three are given one last chance to prove their worth, by making THE BEST AMUSE BOUCHE EVER. Robin prepares avocado and crab soup, Ashley sears some fois gras, and Jesse makes a tuna tartare with a quali's egg on it.  Of course Jesse goes home, so why did we even have this extra challenge? Jesse was always going to go home, because she has been making garbage food this entire season.

Now on to the elimination challenge.  Everybody draws knives, some with names of meat and some with names of French sauces.  They pair up by what foods go together. Douchebag Mike doesn't know much about cooking French food, so he gloms onto Brother Bryan, who shows him how to make a deconstructed bearnaise sauce.  Ashley ends up partnered with Frenchy McRedScarf who is tres excited to cook the food of his native land.  Too bad he sucks at it and makes an over-bacony veloute.  SAUCE FAIL. Robin is paired with Ron to make frog legs and brown butter meuniere.  Ron thinks that Robin is hyper and all over the place because she wants to make a wilted greens salad, when all that Ron wants to accompany his entrees is the boat he spent twenty-eight days on to escape his Haitian hellhole.

Anyways, all the Frenchies (including Joel Robuchon, who was named--no joke--the Chef of the Century) eat these slapped-together dishes.  Some are better than others, of course.  At this point, it's pretty clear that the Brothers, Douchebag Mike, and SA-VEECH Jen (along with Beardo Kevin) are the best chefs there, while the rest of the contestants are just biding their time until they are told by Padma to pack their knives and go.  Sure, there may be a curveball or two and a Chosen One may be mistakenly sent home (see Thumbhead Hosea winning last season), but for Ashley and Robin, it's probably just a matter of time.  Brother Bryan wins the challenge; Hector is sent home for not knowing how to cook or cut steak.

Sunday's fifth episode of this season of America's Best Dance Crew kinda combined two challenges in one.  Not only did the teams need to showcase a "dance craze" in their routine, but they also had to incorporate a trampoline into their performance. Local b-boys Massive Monkees were assigned the Ricky Bobby, which is stretching the definition of "dance craze" just a bit, as only Texas rapper B-Hamp and some kids on YouTube have ever performed said Talladega Nights-inspired move. All you need to know is that it involves arm motions and striking poses. In their performance (starting at 1:10 in the video above), Massive Monkees had plenty of jumps, flips off the trampoline, some head-spinning, the occasional use of a fire extinguisher, and ended with a Polaroid picture modeling session.

To the judges' table: Lil Mama thought it was a fun and entertaining performance with great use of props and acrobatics. She called out JD's "forward brownie flip into the trampoline going into a head slide to the front of...

[WARNING: Spoilers aplenty, including the above recap video.]

Last night was the third episode from this season of Top Chef, featuring local cheftestants Ashley Merriman (of Branzino) and Robin Leventhal (chef-owner of Crave). Last night the show turned down the over-the-top Vegas quotient so that the chefs could cook for the Air Force. IT'S FOR THE AIRMEN!

But first they had to do a quickfire challenge with every possible type of potato on the planet. Preeti mistakenly blanched her broccoli in Ashley's pot of boiling water, and Ashley wuz pissed. Because there are two things in this world that Ashley cannot stand: institutionalized discrimination against gays and somebody using her hot water. Despite having to make an entirely new pot of water (and not being able to get married), Ashley did well in the challenge, with guest judge Mark Peel naming her dish (potato gnocchi with homemade ricotta, second photo here) in the top three. However, Jennifer wins again, because she already looks to be one of the strongest...

Episode 4 of this season of America's Best Dance Crew was on last night, and this week's episode was Bollywood-themed, with each troupe incorporating a form of Indian dance into their routine. Local crew Massive Monkees ended up with bhangra and knew that they would have to "put the b-boy into Bollywood." Since they got ragged on by the judges last week for only one member doing their most difficult move, the Monkees were eager to bring it on, step it up 2 the streets,  get served, etc.  In their performance (starting at 2:05 in the video above), they hit the ground running, with footwork of fury, tons of spins and crabwalks, and even the occasional crotchgrab.

So sez the judges: JC Chasez liked that in this routine the dancers were "constantly moving and working the floor." Shane Sparks said it was one of the "best performances they had done in a while," and that they took it to another level, with so much of the choreography being "so sick." Lil Mama agreed, saying they had "an...