Headlines You Won’t See in 2010

Yes, this is a hoary format, usually only good for a forced half-smile or two. But what the hell, the new year wipes away all sins against humor. So here you go. Headlines you won’t see in 2010. Oh God.

Mayor McGinn Adds Eighth Car to Daily Motorcade
“Getting to work without generating thigh sweat is pretty awesome,” says McGinn.

Scandinavian Found Living in Ballard
Gustav Sorensen asked for “pickled herring booth” at Sunday farmers’ market, was immediately placed under mental health supervision.

KeyArena Rededicated as Howard Schultz Pavilion
No one more responsible for bringing roller derby to Seattle Center.

Local Drivers Noted for Competency
“I drove from First Hill to the U District today and never once said “@#$@#,” let alone “^#%$#!” or “#%^!!$#$@@,” claims motorist.

Seattle Children’s Hospital Unveils Plan to Serve as Helicopter Base for Al Qaeda
Laurelhurst residents cautiously optimistic for traffic reductions

Cougs Win


New Year’s Eve for the Dilatory and Procrastinating

Our sponsor Central Cinema is kicking things off with Serenity at 7 p.m. ($6), which will explain to Castle fans why Nathan Fillion was dressed as a “space cowboy” for the Halloween episode, and mentioned it’d been five years since he wore that particular costume. Then it’s the Turn Back the Clock NYE celebration ($12), a sing-along featuring the music of Prince “at the stroke of midnight.”

Down at the Canoe Social Club and Gallery at 9 p.m., there’s the “You Clean Up Real Nice!” bash (you’re instructed to “be fancy” and have a glamor shot taken). Your emcee is Mark Siano, the grand master of smooth, with jazz dj Matthew Counts and bands The Shanks, The Braxmatics, and Orkestar Zirkonium. Champagne toast and nosh provided ($30 general, $15 for Canoe members).


Also, the Seattle Times lists an assortment of big-ticket and low-budget options, from the Seattle Symphony‘s concert + dancing + dinner ($134 and up) to a pea soup and meatball dinner + champagne + pancake breakfast at the Swedish Cultural Center ($45).

For very-low-budget fun (i.e., no cover), CHS offers this list of Capitol Hill outings: Grey Gallery, Po Dog, Capitol Club, the Bottleneck, Jai Thai, Purr, Lobby Bar, Mad Pub, Martin’s, and Pony (adding via Twitter: “Though at Pony u gotta wear outerspace outfit to get in for free. Go NASA.”).

UPDATE: This just in from Dimitriou’s Jazz Alley: There are still tickets for their first set ($15.50) and “Ring in the New Year” ($80.50) packages, which you can also purchase as a set. If you’re in West Seattle, WSB has your events options covered.

Glimpses: "Interurban wants to party"

Happy New Year’s Eve (morning), everyone! This photo from The SunBreak Flickr pool, by Great_Beyond, captures perfectly how many of us will feel tomorrow morning–like some troll turned our heads to concrete overnight. Look how we cling to one another for support against the day. Already I am giving myself a firm cut-off number for flutes of champagne.

This Week’s DVD Releases: Jennifer’s Perfect 9 Paranormal Glee

For this, the last week of the year, there’s not much by way of new DVD releases, which gives you plenty of time to catch up with all the good stuff that’s out in theaters right now.  Especially Broken Embraces at the Egyptian, which–ZOMG–is a must-see.  Truly, Pedro Almodovar is a master of the medium.

Anyways, here’s the week in releases, care of our good friends at Scarecrow Video.  Paranormal Activity was made for ~$15K, did the film festival circuit for a few years, got bought by Stephen Spielberg and Co., had its ending changed once or twice, and finally came out in theaters, where it promptly made a bajillion dollars.  Despite all of the above, I won’t ever see this movie, as this is exactly the kind of thing that freaks me out: the possibilities of what is going on while you are sleeping are scary. 


I won’t ever see Jennifer’s Body either, but for a different reason, namely that Megan Fox is a dead-eyed pornbot, already busted-looking at the ripe old age of 23.  But if that (or Diablo Cody’s writing) is your thing, by all means.  I’m also not interested in A Perfect Getaway, but that’s only because I could tell who the killer was from the (nonstop) commercials alone. 

So what from this week is actually worth your while?  9 (not to be confused with District 9 or Nine) was an adequate post-apocalyptic fairy tale starring sock puppets.  And if you haven’t been watching Glee, well, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.  With the long weekend ahead, now is prime time to play catch-up with all the episodes thus far.

Top 10 Reasons 2009 Rocked Like It was 1991, Pt. 1

If you grew up when grunge blew up—in the Northwest or unfortunately far away, like me—you probably felt a few tugs at your heartstrings via your eardrums (and eyeballs) this year. Maybe what you heard gave you a little thrill. Maybe it pissed you off. Either way, it was a fine year for remembering and reliving Seattle’s flannel-rock heyday. Here’s the most compelling (first half of the) evidence.

10. News flash: Satchel is back!

Mid-year, founding members Shawn Smith and Regan Hagar both said Satchel was long-gone history. A reunion for the melodic rock band, defunct since 1997, was admittedly an old-school fan’s sentimental wish. Or was it? By fall, Smith was tweeting hints that he and former Satchel cohorts (drummer Hagar and guitarist John Hoag) were playing together again. Then Smith’s site boasted an official reunion, fresh tunes, and a new studio record (Heartache and Honey, appropriately). And finally, this belated Christmas Twitter-gift from Smith on the 28th: “Satchel confirmed, Feb. 18th 2010 at The Crocodile in Seattle.” Awesome. I so want to believe I helped make this happen.

9. Pearl Jam’s Ten turns 18, gets deluxe reissue

The first step in a promised 2011 celebration of 20 years of music, the reissue of Pearl Jam’s big-time debut was a doozy. Multiple packages boasting multiple music formats (viva la vinyl!) and replicated grunge-era memorabilia sated hardcore fans while a complete crisp, Vedder-vocal-boosting new mix from producer Brendan O’Brien pleased everyone. By clearing up the hitherto unnoticed echo effects and cloudy fuzz, O’Brien made a classic rock album sound even classic-er. Look for similar reissues of Pearl Jam’s successive records in the coming years.


8. Grunge books recount the era’s look and feel

Rock journalist Greg Prato put together the most comprehensive and fascinating account of Seattle’s global musical domination with spring’s Grunge Is Dead: The Oral History of Seattle Rock Music. The book’s so good because the tales are told by the people who lived them, before and after the term “grunge” became synonymous with local rock: producers (Jack Endino), concert-goers, girlfriends (Tracy Marander), label owners (Pavitt and Poneman), roadies, managers (Susan Silver), and band members (Mark Arm, Jerry Cantrell, Kathleen Hanna, Mark Pickerel, Kim Thayill, Eddie Vedder…). You’ll learn about the iconic (and forgotten) bands of the era, their members’ personal struggles, and the clubs that hosted their genre-founding awesomeness.

Grunge isn’t as must-have a book, but it’s an honest, telling document of that time. Half street-punk album and half band portrait, Michael Lavine’s photo book captures the souls of the people who made the music and of those who ate it up—or fashionably rejected it, preferring those bands’ pure punk and metal predecessors. (Lavine was a Sub Pop-sanctioned photographer at the time. Cha-ching!) Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore adds some introductory color (and amusing ain’t-I-cool lyricism). It’s a super look back; the release party, featuring Tad Doyle’s Brotherhood of the Sonic Cloth and Mudhoney, was even better.


7. Chris Cornell “sells out” with Scream

How far the mighty do fall. And those who thought former Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell plummeted with Scream were wrong. Yes, it was produced by self-inflated beat deity Timbaland. Yes, it’s a hip hop- and R&B-flavored album. Yep, it includes a silly, stereotypical rap-album intro. And yeah, Cornell sings about “the club,” the hoochies, and uses harsh language. But Scream‘s a tasty piece of catchy candy. It’s an instant singalong-dancealong. Lamentable lack of all-out Cornell vocals aside, it’s seriously pretty fantastic. And proves the musician will do what he wants without worrying about what you, Badmotorfinger-lover, will think. Good for him.

6. Alice in Chains releases first studio record in 14 years

The last time Alice in Chains had a new album, Bill Clinton had just met Monica Lewinsky and the sting of Kurt Cobain’s suicide was still relatively fresh in Seattle. And when Alice in Chains was new, the band itself was unfortunately sliding toward defunctitude. Years later, when no new music had been made and Layne Staley died, it seemed AIC was history. But vocalist-guitarist Jerry Cantrell, drummer Sean Kinney, and bassist Mike Inez never called it quits; instead, they recruited Comes with the Fall frontman William DuVall. After a few one-off shows, the rejuvenated band started recording new tunes. Black Gives Way to Blue, a heavy, contemplative love letter of sorts to Staley, was the end result. In short: it’s classic, yet new-century AIC. Staley’s haunting voice is gone, yes; but DuVall’s own solid larynx complements the band’s signature sound with apparent comfort and grace. Surprisingly or not, Black Gives Way is one of the best records of the year.

Can you guess the top five? Stay tuned.

You’re Right Here (Even When You’re Not): A Dance Experiment

On Sunday, Dec. 20, in a the back suite at 1017 10th Ave., with the music from Neumos–which shares its south wall with the space–thumping dully through the brick, dancer/choreographer Mônica Mata Gilliam brought to fruition a year-long project called You’re Right Here with the last of six live performances.

Conceived more than a year before, You’re Right Here was a web-based experiment that explored space and connectedness. With a friend and fellow dancer moving out of Seattle, Gilliam conceived of a online video project between the two artists. One would make a dance video, post it to the web, and the other would respond, creating a choreographic dialogue, to be posted on the project’s website.


Eventually, Gilliam’s main collaborator became dancer Alice Gosti, and the project was opened up to the rest of Seattle’s dance community as an experiment in dialogue. So far, the project has generated a couple dozen videos and response, all posted blog-style at YoureRightHere.com.

The late-December performance, called Denying the Space Between Us, adapted bits of choreography from the videos submitted over the year (along with an original work by Paige Barnes). The space was divided into multiple settings: a kitchen, a hallway, a bedroom, a closet, and finally a vacant white space where Barnes’ work was performed. The original videos appeared throughout the space, either in small, digital video picture frames or projected on the walls. Adding to the sense of digital dis/connectedness, the live performances were webcast through the project’s website.

Although Gilliam completed her original concept by bringing the idea full-circle, back to a live performance, You’re Right Here is continuing its web existence and a creative dialogue between local artists.