For a scientist, she’s got great legs.  And I admit, that’s not the most enlightened thought in the world, nor the best thought.  But it was my first thought.

That thought’s object:  Lynn Collins (aka Dejah Thoris, aka A Princess Of Mars). I also want to congratulate the masterminds of this long-delayed development-helled John Carter movie for not picking a vacant-eyed twenty-something for this part. Lynn Collins was born the year the first Star Wars came out–that’s the first, first Star Wars (I’ll let you look it up if you need to)–and neither she nor anyone else makes any apology.  She’s a woman with presence, and her maturity in presence helps make for one crackling popcorn film.

Of course, she isn’t given very much science to do. One expects as much from Hollywood popcorn. But she is a scientist, and handy with big metal pointy things in the bargain. So while this movie hardly forms transformative corn, I’ll award partial credit.

Don’t know John Carter? In the words of Handy from The Tick, “Read a book!” Actually, the late Edgar Rice Burroughs whipped up a whole feast of John Carter tomes. Long story short: Confederate soldier turned continental man of mystery (played by Taylor Kitsch) finds cave of gold, ends up on Mars. There he finds Willem Dafoe except that Willem Dafoe is green and ten feet tall with four arms. (If that sounds like any of your Willem Dafoe fantasies, feel free to write in.) Also, Dejah Thoris. She’s a scientist. I think that covers everything.

It beats Jonah Hex by an Astronomical Unit, and I can’t be the only one who stayed up all summer evening long reading those pulp paperbacks. Go for old times’ sake, then. I went in expecting legs, which I got. I was pleasantly surprised by the scientist and maybe you will be, too.