You’ve been going to fewer Mariner games the last several years, haven’t you? No, I’m not psychic, I just extrapolated from the Mariners’ total home attendance numbers. To wit:

Like any business that puts out an increasingly inferior product, the Mariners have seen their customer base drop along with their win total. Who wants to go see a losing team? Much less a boring one: Even us serious baseball fans like a home run now and again, and the Mariners failed to homer in 52 of their 81 home games last year.

But behold! I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people! That is, five ways in which 2011 Mariner games will be better than 2010 Mariner games.

1) The Offense Is Better
The Mariners did not spend wildly on a big-name free agent this offseason. Instead, they made a few small moves to upgrade their offense at catcher, designated hitter, and shortstop. And last year’s big ticket free agent, Chone Figgins, is bound by the laws of regression toward the mean to improve on his dismal 2010 performance.

2) One of the Most Exciting Rookies in Baseball
Just reading the numbers about Michael Pineda is fun. He’s 6-foot-5, 255 lbs. He can throw a baseball 98 mph. He’s only 22 years old. So I’m really looking forward to seeing this mountain of a young adult unleash his prodigious talent on the American League this season. Pineda was supposed to start the season in the minors, but after striking out 15 batters in 17 spring innings, he won the 5th starter job. Next Tuesday night Pineda makes his major league debut against the AL champion Rangers, and it will be one of the most-watched games by the national baseball cognoscenti.

3) A Fun New In-Joke/Meme!
If you haven’t seen the new Mariners commercial with Felix Hernandez, go watch it. It’s for real funny. I’ll wait.

Okay. Ha! Right? “Larry Bernandez.” And it’s already becoming a meme. There’s a Larry Bernandez Twitter feed, calls for a Larry Bernandez bobblehead, and I’m working on a T-shirt. (Really!) Rally fries has gotten old, and “Two Outs. So What?” is a distant memory. We needed something fun like “Fear the Beard” for Giants fans last year.

4) Balls Hit to Centerfield Will Be…Interesting
Gold Glove winning centerfielder Franklin Gutierrez will start the season on the disabled list with…well, nobody knows. Gutierrez has suffered from stomach pain since last summer, and M’s doctors still don’t know why. (Though they have presumably ruled out pregnancy.) This means that Michael Saunders and Ryan Langerhans, who are about as likely to mount a successful Gold Glove candidacy as Larry Craig is to mount a successful Republican one, will share the centerfield duties. The Mariners have been blessed with fantastic centerfield play over the past two decades, from Ken Griffey Jr. to Mike Cameron to Randy Winn to Ichiro to Gutierrez. Until Gutierrez is healthy, all balls hit to centerfield will be a little adventure, like letting a ten-year-old drive.

5) Ichiro Marches On
Okay, okay, this isn’t new, but Ichiro still is one of the few baseball players on the planet who you stop to watch hit every time. When I’m at M’s games, I plan my bathroom trips around his at bats (sometimes with hilarious consequences!). Seriously, he truly is one of the most remarkable players in baseball history. As unlucky as we are to have endured nine post-season-less years, at least we have him.

So, there you go. I’d tell you to jump on the bandwagon, but I don’t think there really is one yet. More of a Radio Flyer. The M’s begin their 2011 season Friday night in Oakland. Opening Day at Safeco is a week from Friday (the 8th), and there are 83 home games after that. Good seats still available!